电脑设备笑话
Monitor 说：我好惨呀，每天给人看
Keyboard 说：我更惨呢，每天给人打
Mouse 说：我才惨咧，每天给人摸
USB 说：我最惨了，每天给人插
Diskette 机说：我更惨，现在没人插我
Thumbdrive说：谁有我惨？这边插完就去那边插，一不小心还要被感染
CPU电脑主机说：不要以为我被很多东西插，我会很爽。它们插了以后都不动了。那才是难受啊。最后。。
Speaker器说：还说呢。。明明是你们被插，为什么都是我在叫呢？
Somthing funny that Anson sent me in the afternoon.
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Monday, September 28, 2009
电脑设备笑话
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Funny article on Financial Times
Funny article on Financial Times abt positive incentives.
Is sex really dead after marriage and kids?
Dear Economist: Should my wife use ‘positive incentives’?
August 1, 2009 2:43am
Now that we have completed our family, my wife wants me to have a vasectomy, strongly hinting that she will withdraw all sexual favours unless I comply. For a long time now, the amount of sex we have been having (about once a month) has been less than I would like (a couple of times a week). While I am not an economist, I have read that positive incentives are important. Wouldn’t my wife have more chance of persuading me to have the snip if she promised me more frequent sex rather than threatening to withdraw it altogether?
Dave, London
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Dear Dave,
In traditional economics there is no important motivational difference between stick and carrot, and so I can hardly accuse your wife of bad economics in that respect.
But, even if your proposal is accepted, you face a serious problem. Your vasectomy is a one-off operation, for which you seek an ongoing future incentive. How can you be sure that your wife will stick to the deal? Economists call this the “hold up problem”.
You are hoping for an extra 90 bouts of intimacy per year. Since I give your marriage five more years, tops, this adds up to an extra 450 sexual encounters in total. But there is no guarantee that, after you have your operation, you will experience any of them.
The obvious answer is a performance bond. Your wife could deposit, say, £45,000 with a lawyer. Whenever the two of you contact the lawyer to confirm that intercourse has occurred, he will release £100 to your wife.
Perhaps that seems unromantic, so I have a better idea – simply secure payment in kind upfront. If the two of you get busy, you should get through 450 lovemaking sessions within a year, perhaps sooner. You might even find you enjoy it so much that this troubled marriage perks up. I suggest you get started at once.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Couple Jokes
Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, 'One month after I die I want you to marry Samy.' 'Samy! But he is your enemy!' 'Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now.'
Why divorce?
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: 'Your honor, I want to divorce my husband.' 'But why ?' asked the judge. She replied, 'Because he is not faithful to me.' The judge asked, 'How do you know?'
She replied, 'My lord, not a single child resembles him.'
Wedding Ring
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes I am, I married the wrong man.'
Why?
'Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. 'Why, Dad? Tell me why!'
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, 'Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax.'
Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, 'When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.'
'Why complain?' said the counselor. 'You're still getting the same service!'
Talk about Husband
One woman told another: ' My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?'
Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, 'Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?' 'I would love to. 'Replied the husband. 'But I don't know her well enough.'
No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, 'When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her.'
One of his friends asked. 'And when you are angry, what do you do?'
The man replied, 'I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. 'Take my advice,' said the neighbour, 'and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I
called out: 'Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him. 'Cured him!' asked the woman, 'but how?'
The neighbour said, 'You see, his name is Bill.'
Problem Father
'You looked troubled,' I told my friend, 'what's your problem?'
He replied, 'I'm going to be a father.'
'But that's wonderful,' I said.
'What's so wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.
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MARRIAGE ~ The Ten Commandments
COMMANDMENT 1
Marriages are made in heaven; But so are thunder and lightning.
COMMANDMENT 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
COMMANDMENT 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
COMMANDMENT 4
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
COMMANDMENT 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
COMMANDMENT 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
COMMANDMENT 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
COMMANDMENT 8
Every man wants a wife, who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
COMMANDMENT 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.
COMMANDMENT 10
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished..
BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY
A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish too.
But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled and said,
"Hey!...This thing really works!"
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Appreciation of Fine Wines
A man goes to the Lucas Carton in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.
'This is not the 1928 Mouton.'
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there is another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.
Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
'My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.'
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.
I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location.'
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, 'When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what a small distance in geographic location makes."
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Jokes from RG
- Children in the front seat of a car can cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat of a car can cause children.
- If u believe that the quickest way to a man heart is the stomach, know that u r aiming a little too high.
- Women are like swimming pools; they cost a great deal of money to maintain, considering the time that u spend inside.
- Some bosses are like clouds. The minute they disappear, the day suddenly gets brighter.
- To err is human. To blame someone else for yr problem, is strategic.
- Men wouldn't lie as much to their women in their life, if the women in their lives didn't ask so many questions.
- Women marry bcos they believe that he will change one day. Men marry bcos they believe that she will never change. Both are mistaken.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Great Depression
A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody-- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."
A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.
The priest recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.
"Absolutely," replied the businessman.
"You went to the beach?"
"Absolutely."
"You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"
"Absolutely."
"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"
"Absolutely."
"And what were the first words you saw?"
"Chapter 11."
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